Icarus ~ source: unknown When Josh was born, I was so proud to have a little brother (there are pictures as proof to bear this out). I was his protector. I'd be lying if I said we never fought, but we could never stay angry at one another. Within hours we'd almost certainly be playing again. For maybe 18 years, I was the most important person in his life. Then he found Christ and I was suddenly Number 2. That was ok, though... I was still the most important mortal person in his life. Then, about 2 years ago, he married Sara and I found myself Number 3. I've tried to accept that change in grace and dignity.

To borrow a quote, "Today, I consider myself to be the luckiest man alive" - from baseball [Lou Gehrig's farewell speech]. Four days ago, I just took Josh's presence for granted and never really considered his impact on my life. I know now that I would not be half the man I am today without him.

11/06/02 - Each anniversary, I think of things I'd like to add to this site and realize that nothing really says how I feel as purely as my initial impulses.

This being the 3rd anniversary of his passing, I'm only really starting to absorb his loss. At the time, I felt the greatest pang of regret in that I couldn't remember when we'd last gotten together, but what I really meant was that I couldn't remember if I'd told him that I love him. I'm not really sure that I'd really ever said it.

What has been of the greatest consolation to me has been the response of those around me. Granted, they all feel very awkward broaching the subject - hell, so do I. One of the things they all reinforce is how much they know I loved him and how it was reflected in how I spoke of him, how I acted around him, and how integrated he was with my circle of friends. All of the intangibles that validate that fact. So I guess, maybe I didn't do as poorly as I feared and I've appreciated that.

He was one of the few people whose judgement I would allow to supercede my own. Those who know me know what rare respect that is.

Josh, I love you.